I haven't been writing very much recently. Life has been busy between work, kid, gf, and school.
And, I haven't really had much to write about anyways. Frankly, once I vaulted my two long term ex's, I went on a hiatus from all new experiences for quite a bit.
But I have had an experience that merits a blog post. So, you may all remember a very long while back last year when I wrote about my last truly poly experience. Not my current, but my regular dating.
Well, I didn't date after that. Once that went south, I sort of just wanted a break, so I took about 6 months of "fuckitall". I was just not in the mood for more weird/stupid bullshit. My tolerance was run out. Then the ex's came out of the woodwork, and after sending all of them packing, finally, I had some peace.
The one ex did resurface again, but in the end, my mind was not changed.
But a few weeks ago, I decided, I'm going to start looking again. I felt refresh, I felt like I could handle the challenge, and what the hell, why not.
One of the people I messaged, let's call her Onna... as in Onna-bugeisha, female warrior member of the ancient Samurai.
After a few weeks of courtship over OKCupid and Kik, I cannot describe the feeling I first saw her. It was... intense, and as you, my faithful readers know, I can only speak these things through music. I bit my lip so hard, I nearly drew blood, and it was...
Now, for those of you who have read the book. And for those of you who have read the blog, I'm a bit of an intense personality. And I describe the people I know in the sense that I take from them. And I've been through some relationships that seemed to start off flying high, only to crash and burn.
This, from the word go, was very different. At almost every turn, well, let me paraphrase her words for it, "You finally met your match."
Yes, readers. Mr I-Own-This-Fucking-Game got schooled, hard. Much like the time spent playing games, I started off winning. The date moved from socializing for about 3 hours or so to Dave and Busters action.
I won the shoot-em-up game, by about 135,000 to 2,500. I smashed that shit. She smiled, and stepped closer. I wanted to kiss her so bad, and our discussion at this point had already led us both to know that the chemistry was there and intense. But she wouldn't move.
No, DeWayne, you will not move first. You will control yourself. She will grab and pull you in.
Fuck, no, she won't! She won't so much as lay a finger on your arm. She just kept looking at me with these eyes that kept changing shades of hazel and magic. The eyes kept saying, "I know you want to eat me all up. Come on, just give in, silly little boy. They all do, you can't stop it, I know I'm wanted, and you will drop to your knees before the night is over begging."
And tease she did. Did I mention that she's dominant like me. War had been declared, formally, with ambassadors and a show of force. But no shot would be fired. It was a game of who would shoot first, and the first would surely lose the opening battle.
It was a chess game, and we both kept well hidden behind our line of pawns.
Next was racing, and my smug ass was starting to go (on more levels than just the games), "My lead is slipping, considerably." I pulled out a very late win on some Mario Kart. Literally last second. Inches separated our finish.
She conceded this defeat. And I felt like she was weakening a bit. God I was wrong!
Next came some zombie action, and it was pretty even steven. But we had to wait what felt like 20 minutes to play. And we stood there, eyes locked, words whipered into ears, slowly dancing our bodies in and out around the invisible shields around our bodies.
And my self control was slipping. You all know me, and know me very well, as I hide nothing here. I am... Mr. Fucking Control.
And then came Air Hockey. I'm fast on the shooter. Give me a gun and I'll knock the eye out of the bad guy. But I'd already spent about 6 hours at this point exercising extreme control. And she beat me, beat me easily. Beat me without trying.
I declared defeat as I moved in and kissed her.
The rest of the night was her just playing with me, breaking me down more and more. But I was not to be undone. I soon found several of her weaknesses. The samurai that both of us may be, I live by Bushido as well, and Onna was not expecting that I had planned to win through surrender.
Now, as usual, I draw lines on what I disclose without consent. And I'm drawing a further line here for reasons I cannot state. There are private parts about this relationship and care and understanding that I extend to her that I might not with any other partner.
But, I can talk about me.
I have bite marks. All over my body. I have bruises. I'm sore. Dom met Dom. I'm the first person to scream out "You dirty bitch!" at her. But it, it's not what you think... there was suc h a level of, well, sweetness.
I've had dirty sex. And it doesn't get much dirtier and hedonistic. But it was... therapy, for us. We're two people that have been through some fucked up shit.
We both came to a place very close to one other. We're amazed by clicking on every level. It's not some sexual playtime.
I'm sitting here writing while she messages me. She's telling me about how she thinks about me and smiles, and how we click, and I'm listening to this song, and smiling as I write this thinking about how our minds are just running together like two cars heading down the highway together.
And I'm going to have to put this writing away now, though I want to write and post and write and post... on and on, feeling how she made me feel, makes me feel, all over again as I relive it through my words.
But I can't. It's too intense. It's got my skin vibrating. It's got my heart pumping. My adrenaline mixed with what passes for my feels.
She brings up my past in a way that's so forceful to me. She's made me think about myself in this short time in a way that makes me respect myself more. She challenges me in a way that exposes my flaws without shaming me.
Onna brought her sword down, as I held out my arms in surrender.
And I hear our song... OUR song. It was written for us. and I hear it as her sword comes in slow motion between my eyes, seeing each of her eyes blazing on each side of the blade.
And her blade sliced right through my armor.
Her eyes. Locked on my eyes. A small trickle of blood falls where it grazes my chest.
And her voice. "You've met your match," she says laughing as I stand naked in front of her, my sword hanging down in front of me.
Her head cocks to the side as she asks, "You look so angry?"
"No," I tell her. "Not anger," I tell her as the flames inside me turn white hot for her. I'll never conquer this one. I'll never win.
And we can't lose.