I've been talking to my primary about the possibility of us getting married, we're both bisexual polyamoriss, and I'm starting work on a book about Polygamy...
So the inevitable question is, will I become interested in Polygamy myself?
The short term answer, of course, is no. The first reason, of course, is that I'm not close enough to any other individual at this point to even consider marriage. The second reason is that it is not legal as of yet. Until both of those things change, I have no plans on being married to two people.
There's the obvious question, what about her? The same reasons apply, basically.
But playing the hypothetical scenario in my head, I realize that it would involve a LOT more planning than I'd ever considered.
Let's say that her and I were married, and then I married someone, and she married someone else entirely. How in the world would the logistics be worked out if we all lived in the same house?
Many polyamorous tribes face this same problem, and it's not simply a matter of legal requirements, marriage certificates, etc. The real issue is, how the hell do you fit four adults into a house with all the different relationship dynamics?
You have to split the grocery bill, the mortgage, the utilities. You have to carefully plan dinners, bedrooms, sleeping arrangements, etc.
Building this slowly over time would certainly make this easier. For me, it would also require bringing in new children into the situation. She has a daughter, I have a son, we might have more kids together, and if we married again, we'd be looking at children brought in by those persons and new children from those reationships.
So, not just four adults, but 2, 3, or 10 children could be running around the house as well. Honestly, I'm not really looking forward to a house full of children. I'm in my late 30s, and I'm kinda done with having more.
Polyamory allows for me to be somewhat separated from children of other relationships. The last married girlfriend I was with had two beautiful little girls. Sure, play dates with my son were easy. That was awesome, actually. Of course, I try to take my son on as many play dates as possible. I think providing him with a good social life is benefitial.
But I didn't have to wake up with those little angels of energy, cook them breakfast, etc. In other words, like an uncle, when I went home, and they went away.
Had I considered a marriage style relationship with her, I would have become a step parent, and that certainly would weigh heavily into my decision. As someone who has been remarried before, you put a lot of thought into another person as a prospective parent and whether or not you want to become a step parent to their child.
The younger the child, the more it matters. You are entering into a very influencial relationship with the children.
And right now, that's where Polygamy, for me, hasn't moved past the hypothetical thinking.