The title to this blog post is a joke, but I seriously do have a lot of people message me with questions about Polyamory.
Many months back towards the end of summer, I had one such question fly my way via MeetMe via a gal nicknamed Corky. She was cute, and lived alone.
The question was something to the effect of whether or not your polyamorous boyfriend could tell you where you can look for other men.
My response was simple. It’s polyamory, not a Mormon polygamist cult. You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do, nobody owns you.
A few days later, I had another message. It was to the effect of, “My boyfriend doesn’t want me looking for guys on MeetMe, cause all they want is sex.”
My response was, again, short and simple, “All guys, on all social networks, and in all situations, will probably want sex from you. From my experience, MeetMe is no better or worse than any other network.” Now, in truth, MeetMe is actually better. Why? You get to see people use it like a real social network, rather than some profile, or worse, just a picture like on Tinder.
MeetMe let’s you spot people, such as certain women, who want to tell other men to fuck off. Sometimes this is a good thing, like complaints about racist men or slut shamers. Sometimes this is a bad thing, and you see women who are complete assholes.
Unfortunately, I’ve found no social network that’s worth a damn for finding gay men. They all basically read the same “Looking to suck off st8 dudes!”
Yeah, take that shit to Craigslist.
Back to our story…
So, conversation picks up with this woman who is from a town I’d never even heard of, in a direction I rarely travel, about an hour away. She loves her boyfriend, who has a wife. But, the wife is a controlling bitch, won’t let the guy ever stay over, and will call the boyfriend up mid-date to make him come home. And if she doesn’t have a date, he doesn’t get a date.
She’s your basic codependent asshole. I actually spoke to this “wife” on two different platforms. The first time, she was trying to fuck me on Fetlife. The second (forgetting that she already spoke to me) talking to me via text. She got my number from Corky after I said the woman could ask me questions, too.
The woman took my casual flirtatious nature, and told Corky that I was trying to fuck her. She complained that I was “not her type”, haha. Showing Corky my texts, she saw this was not the case. Seeing Fetlife, she would see that this other woman had long been trying to fuck me, instead, and forgot. I guess my Fetlife dick was “her type” but forgetting that, and actually dealing with a grown, intelligent man who she couldn’t push around like she did her “husband”, I was not her type.
Back to Corky… We start texting after a few weeks. And I eventually say that I’ve got a free weekend, and that I’d be willing to travel to have an afternoon chat, maybe lunch, to talk in person about her issues with her boyfriend, who had now not messaged her in over a week and was getting fed up with the bullshit.
She agreed, and I set out for a new trip.
Now this is where the story gets interesting. Corky indeed lives alone with her two cats.
I really need you to understand how simply Corky lives.
She had a phone, no computer, a TV and a DVD player, and basic furniture in her 4 room apartment.
Nothing fancy, no frills, and nothing that wasn’t used for something.
And there is something you notice immediately about Corky. She’s not like other women. At first, I noticed how she moved. She had some coordination issues walking.
Then, as we sat down and began talking, I noticed something else. Corky spoke very slowly with a bit of a slur.
I’ll be honest, I had two reactions at first. That Corky might not be the person I had been texting. Second, that this boyfriend of hers might be taking advantage of her.
I’d only known one other person with a disability similar to Corky’s, and that person had the emotions and intelligence of a 12 year old, and was my age. It was a cousin of my first wife.
It was the movement and speech that had thrown me off, and my stereotypes went up like a giant red flag.
I was immediately angry. What the fuck was really going on here? I’d been there all of 30 seconds, and I’m not a happy camper.
But I sort of force myself to just listen to what she has to say.
Corky was nothing like the person I’d known before. She was very thoughtful and intelligent. She knew exactly what the fuck polyamory was, and exactly what situation she was in.
I started to relax. I later asked Corky what it was that caused her movements.
Corky has Cerebal Palsy, or CP. It affects her coordination, which causes a pause when moving or talking. She was born with the oxygen cut off to her brain, and she told me that when she was born, she should have died, but didn’t.
Growing up, Corky has dealt with shit I’ve never even imagined dealing with. She had some in her own family calling her names like “retard”. She had to take special classes, has problems on larger words, and can’t do higher forms of math.
Emotionally, Corky is just like anyone else. Talking to Corky, aside from the difficulty, is just like anyone else.
Her disability prevents her from driving, but otherwise, she leads a pretty normal life. As she offered me a beer from the fridge, I had to laugh at myself. I’d been such a dick for assuming she was being taken advantage of.
Corky was pissed at her boyfriend, and any idea that she might not be just another normal adult vanished. She cussed that asshole up one side and down the other. When I met her, she broke up with him the next day.
We sat, talked, and smoked cigarettes for several hours. And I found my ability to notice her disability slip away. She was just another person… which is exactly what she deserved from me.
The next time I saw Corky, we were officially dating. I found her to be both beautiful, charming, very caring, and always interested in what I’d been doing. She always has a great insight into what I happen to be going through, and always has a story about what she’s been up to.
Her simple life matches my simple life quite well. She likes to party a bit more than I do, but we compliment each other so well.
Though I never asked for it, Corky has always cooked a dinner for me when I came over unless I’ve said I want to take her out. Her attention to detail to treating me much better than I’d expect from a girlfriend made me fall in love with her.
It’s hard to explain, but, when she holds me, I feel completely loved.
We text all the time. She’s the person I text the most. Looking back, I feel really horrible for the assumptions I had when first meeting her.
Texting her before I met her, she was like anyone else I texted. Funny, caring, has issues to deal with in her life, etc. And as I text her throughout my day, it’s the same.
Corky’s had some issues dating. She even told me that when men meet her, they tend to want to get away as fast as possible. They’re fine, if they just message or text. But as soon as they see the disability, they run.
She is sexy, assertive, and caring. Compared to many other women I’ve met, she actually has her shit together, whereas some recent people seem to be emotional trainwrecks.
Which is why the fact that other men run troubles me so much. She’s fucking awesome!
Corky is, honest as I can put it, the most mature Polyamorous person that I’ve ever met. I had a girlfriend when I met her, whom she tried to get along with. The other woman started having issues, so I ended that relationship.
I’ve dated two other people since dating Corky, and dealt with Wife #2 and her shitstorm invasion of my life. She’s also been there through the Sarah situation…
And the entire time, she’s been there supporting me. When dating one person kept ending in hugs, she asked me something like, “What the fuck is wrong with her? Why would she want to keep seeing a guy she doesn’t wanna fuck.”
And when I mentioned that it went better the next time, she was right on top of it. I told her that there was a kiss, and her response? “About fucking time!”
Haha, you just don’t get better compersion than that.
I’ve heard so many people talk about how “loyal” they are. And I’ve heard so many other people talk about how polyamory isn’t about “commitment”.
But they don’t know about me and Corky, and we always have one another’s backs. Both of us have an urge to go fight battles for each other, and support each other.
I’ve helped her restyle her profiles, telling her to get the CP out of the way upfront just like being polyamorous. This eliminates the “shock” of showing up, and then finding out, and being like, “Whoa! What!”
And she’s helped me calm down considerably. She puts up with little shit from my other relationships. Granted, I have to remind her to let me handle my own relationships, but she has little patience when they upset me or treat me in a way she doesn’t approve.
She actually chatted with Wife #2 and lit into her ass for stringing me along. No, I don’t approve of that. But… damn it… I like that she cared!
I don’t see myself breaking up with Corky. No, it hasn’t all gone smoothly. We’ve had our stumbles like any relationship. But we’ve worked through them all.
We’ve already passed our three month anniversary, and in my world, there are two kinds of relationships… those that die fast in a matter of weeks, and those that last for years.
We’re transitioning to one of those that lasts for years.
And that’s why this blog took so long to write. I write about crazy shit that happens to me. This is possibly one of the most stable relationships I’ve had in… hell, 10 years?
Now, Corky reads these blogs, every single one. And she knows what I’m going to talk about next. Yes, the sex.
So, let me get a few things out of the way. First, if you are thinking “What’s sex like with the disability?”
I’m not going to get mad at that question, because it’s basic curiosity. But, there is none. Sorry, if you were expecting some story about strange sex acts, you only get my normal strange sex acts. CP doesn’t change anything one little bit.
The sex is very, very good.
So Corky is barely over 100lbs. I spent most of my life with the 200lb and above crowd up until Wife #2, who was under 180, but still near my weight. Successive girlfriends have been near my weight.
Now, if you remember, several months ago, I had a blog about amazing sex with a smaller woman. Once someone goes 160lb or lower, I’m more than capable of holding them for long periods of time. I have a bit of muscle.
Corky? I don’t just pick her up to kiss, or carry her to the bedroom… I can literally hold her up, without a wall or support, WHILE having sex. It’s not convenient enough to continue for long, but I can pick her up straight from a missionary position into the air.
Yeah, that’s fucking AWESOME! I know porn stars that can’t do that.
I’m working on trying a new move, where I hold her in one arm, and disrobe her with the other, hehe.
And we have this little move where she can hold me with her legs…
What I mean to say is, the sex has actually been groundbreaking for me. I definitely raised the bar on my expectations for future partners who want to brag about what we can do.
So, with Corky, I have the whole package. But I do have a few regrets. And the one that I have mostly is that I’d like her to be able to be as active in polyamory as myself. I know she has the desire, and we only get to see each other once per week.
I myself wasn’t prepared. And I’m working on how to help her deal with the situation better.
But I shouldn’t have to! Why should it be her responsibility that the rest of us are so damn ignorant!
She’s talked to a few guys, and had dates set up… and as soon as they find out about the CP, they cancel.
Sure, I’m all about consent, and if you don’t wanna deal with someone for whatever reason, that’s a personal choice. But I wish people would be a lot more understanding.
She asked me once if I was ever embarrassed to be seen with her. Not at all. But it does piss me off when I see people treat her like a victim.
Corky and I have talked about marriage. I’m not sure if I want to be married again, but if and when I am, she would be my first choice.