Sometimes a miracle happens. Take Sunday, for instance, when I met Tank, the magical unicorn! Tank and I hit it off really well. I've met with hir since, and had an awesome time sans alcohol. (I'm adopting a new feminine positive pronoun, but with distinct neutral spelling... Shi, hir, hirs, hirself... It's a work in progress folks, bare with me.)
We also discussed hir fabled unicorn status, and it's quite impressive. Shi makes you plain jane bisexual female unicorns look down right common.
I really need to invite Tank on my podcast sometime, because shi's quite the impressive poly thinker and quite honestly, a pioneer in understanding poly gender dynamics that I've never heard anywhere else. The talks we've had are quite enjoyable.
But there is another unicorn in my life, and also another one of a kind. This is the fabled "One That Got Away" unicorn. The monogamish unicorn, or one who has done plenty of nonmonogamy, but chooses to have a single monogamous life partner to cohabitate with and ride the monogamy escalator with.
I wrote about 30% of my book about this particular unicorn. She was the one I left behind when I moved on to polyamory. She's wife #2 who is one of the people I dedicated my book to.
Last week, she happened across the Multiamory.com review of my book. She was kinda pissed at them for what she perceived as them calling her evil.
Reading a copy of my book the next night, she realized a few things. First, the very nice Multiamory hosts both got accurate information and second, that they were devastating stories. She posted online about how she cried reading the book.
She has been putting up with the asshole boyfriend for quite a while now. It's no longer super bad, and not really good either. She had just finished reading the book, and he started in with her again. She spent the next week breaking up with him. Again, and again, and again.
Codependency is still strong within her and their relationship.
She reached out and contacted me while this was going on.
The going has been very, very slow. She's nowhere near saying, "Yeah, polyamory sounds awesome!" She's also quite disenchanted with what monogamy has given her.
I'm very hesitant to re-establish friendship. It's every single day that I'm ready to just throw my hands up and cry out, "No, no, fuck this shit!"
Working with a codependent is hard. I won't say I'm even "working with" her. First, I'm not even trying to be her counselor. Second, conversations last about 20 minutes per day, and end with her disappearing for 12-24 hours at a time, and when they happen, I'm just waking up and not ready for whatever offline messages of weird shit are coming my way.
I finally instituted a few safeguards. I'm keeping this cancer causing radioactive shit in a container. It's already affected one of my other relationships, and that's when the hazmat gloves came on and it got dropped into zero gravity containment field.
My most recent safeguard was to cut off communication. Yeah, that sounds like more than a safeguard, but necessary. I'm designating one day per week that I'm willing to have any communication with her. It's blocked at all other times to keep drama from infecting my happy ass. That day this week is Saturday.
I don't know what she's up to. The block affects both communication and public media. I have to remove the block to find out, and that won't happen until Saturday morning.
Communication degenerated to the point of leaving me super depressing and cryptic messages about emotional breakdowns, and then not answering any questions about what, exactly, the fuck was wrong.
I don't really need that shit. There are some psychiatrist needing issues going on here, and as stated long ago in my book, you have to stop helping someone when helping them is hurting you.
On a positive note, we've had some really constructive conversations. I've made myself available, when making myself available is done in a safe and sane manner.
That has been used to good effect a couple times. It's been abused about twice as often. Thus, the "you get one day to chat" boundary I've set.
So how did that play out this weekend? Well, things weren't planned that way from the start. I even posted a really excited social media post to my friends about big plans that were set up for Saturday... OMG, its so incredible, the unicorn has returned, and all is right in the world! ...yeah...
That, of course, blew up... so spectacularly that it affected another partner. Even I ran out of options of repair with any situation I've been confronted with. Sometimes, shit just happens, and you have to just let the house fall out of the tornado before trying to repair it.
Oh look... my house...
I moved said reestablished relationship with said unicorn into Defcon 5. I locked the SG1 gate room down, told Sulu to raise the shields, told Chewy to hold on to his hairy nuts, and told Doctor Who to spin that crazy song... as I drove my little box across the miles and years.
"T Minus 30 Minutes" read the text message.
"Enroute" the reply.
That music so moving, I wanna say that I rolled out of the vehicle while moving, jumped onto the side of a semi, and looked ahead with intense eyes while a black helicopter flew in low just behind the trailor. Fuck yeah!
I arrived at Starbucks. And I spent about an hour and a half having a conversation that was... Worded. Carefully. Taking... great care. To say... This is not going to happen. Not again. Not now. Not ever.
The unicorn is sitting in its isolation cell on level B60, about a quarter mile below the earth. I let it out on Saturday.
Originally, which was less than a week ago, this blog post was going to go very differently. As a polyamorous person dealing with an ex I still love very much who is in a very fucked up monogamous situation, I'm walking on the thinnest ice here.
I'm tempted to crack open the vault and peek in. Reader, you have no idea. I may find the unicorn gone. I may find the unicorn trying to do something really stupid. I may find the unicorn wanting to attack me. I may find the unicorn completely oblivious that anything happened.
Fact is, I'm pretty certain that the unicorn isn't going to be happy. Then again, I already explained that for a while, this interaction has a kill switch on it. If it goes south, as there is a good chance that it may, it gets locked away on my end for good.
I was not the one that reached out. She reached out to me. She asked for my assistance. She asked for my friendship. She asked for last Saturday's plan. Then she lit the fuse on the shit storm that became Saturday.
Except for the quick trip to fix said shit storm, I've taken absolutely no action except for establishing boundaries.
I am also aware that what I'm doing is really stupid. Nobody can control chaos. And this chic is pure, unfiltered chaos, and the source of my last complete nervous breakdown.
The unicorn can sit in the vault until my shield is at maximum.